Let Me Get Real

Sometimes, I have a hard time expressing exactly what my greatest fear is, besides death or my immediate family. (Which should not be a fear since we know that Heaven is before us... but still we don't want our loved ones to leave us behind). Well here it is... tonight I feel yucky. My tummy is growling, I feel queasy, cold, and very very nervous. Am I afraid I may throw up? Ya a little. But what I fear the most, is that I am sick and most fearfully, my kids are sick.... and will not be able to care for them bc I am so sick. Greatest fear... my kids puking. Especially in the middle of the night!!!! Even thinking about it makes my me feel so much anxiety! No parent wants to wake up to a sick kid, but I have spent so much of my mommy life worrying a dreading this very thing. I desperately need Jesus to free me of this fear, release me... So here I am... at 1:00 in the morning, anticipating any sound that will make me jump out of bed ready with a trash can ready for the kids. I spend each passing minute thinking of what the night may hold. I try to distract my mind with prayer, begging God to please help my uneasy tummy to be due to too much caffeine or eating the rest of the chili from Saturday... Dear Jesus please, please help the kids to not get sick, he'll me to not be sick either. Help me feel better please and sleep. Help the morning to come ASAP! I anticipate the morning and will update the results of this very long night when tomorrow comes....

UPDATE: God is so so good. I may have slept terribly, but they kid's were great and I was great the next day.

Thank you for letting me be real!